1. Vegas, Baby! And Don’t Forget to Bring a Gift You’ll Never See in Action
My cousin Susy’s wedding was a masterclass in bold moves. First, she sent out the save-the-dates. Everything seemed normal, right? But then… crickets. No invites, no updates. I started getting antsy, so I messaged her. I had to know what was going on.
“Oh, we’re just doing a small Vegas thing now. Money’s tight,” she texted back, sounding casual.
I thought, “Okay, that makes sense.” But that was only the beginning. A week later, everyone who didn’t make the cut got a lovely little note. It read: “We’re off to Vegas! Here’s our registry — gifts only, please!”
Wait a minute. My cousin Susy was my maid of honor, and I had paid for everything for her wedding. I thought, surely she’ll get me something, right? Maybe a nice thank-you gift, something thoughtful. Nope. She didn’t even give me a card. Instead, she expected me to shell out $500 for a mixer I wouldn’t even get the chance to use.
“Hard pass, cuz,” I thought. Vegas was looking fun, but not with overpriced kitchen gadgets in the mix!
2. When Your Maid of Honor’s Dress Costs More Than Your Wedding… Oops!
My own wedding? It was a simple affair. We were on a budget, and I managed to find a gorgeous $80 dress for myself. For my maid of honor, I found a cute gown for just $30. But my friend had different ideas.
She came to me and said, “I think my dress needs some alterations.”
“Sure,” I agreed, imagining a little nip and tuck here and there.
But no, she went full Project Runway on it. She ended up spending $100 just on alterations. Her dress now cost more than my entire bridal ensemble. But wait, there was more.
Shoe shopping was next, and she didn’t have enough cash on hand. “Don’t worry, I’ll spot you,” I said, trying to be generous.
She picked out these pricey heels, but when it came time for me to ask for repayment, she dropped this bombshell: “Oh, I thought you were treating! I would’ve picked cheaper ones if I’d known!”
My bank account sobbed quietly. Lesson learned: generosity and wedding planning don’t always mix.
3. The Wedding Where Half the Guests Got Sheet Cake and the Other Half Got… Everything Else!
So, I was invited to a wedding that had a little twist. Picture this: a wedding with VIP seating. Yeah, you read that right.
The couple created a two-tiered guest system that would make even nightclub bouncers do a double-take.
Tier 1? These were the lucky few. They got wristbands, full access to the banquet, and an open bar. They were living the dream.
But Tier 2? Well, we got to watch the ceremony and then had to twiddle our thumbs for hours until it was time for the reception leftovers. And let’s not forget the cash bar – just to keep things classy.
Oh, and the cake? The fancy fondant cake was reserved for the VIPs. The rest of us? We got the good ol’ grocery store sheet cake.
But wait, the best part was yet to come. They had the nerve to set up a “sponsor our honeymoon” donation box. Yes, that’s right. Instead of just thanking us for showing up, they were asking for cash to fund their vacation.
Nothing says “We appreciate your presence” like begging for vacation money after treating half of your guests like second-class citizens.
4. Cash-Only Wedding: Because Who Needs Love When You’ve Got Venmo?
There was another wedding I attended where the couple had a very interesting request. Instead of a traditional registry, they went full-on medieval on us and demanded cold, hard cash.
And we’re talking serious cash here. No $20 in an envelope. They wanted the kind of money that would make your accountant break into a sweat.
Of course, as you can imagine, the guest list started shrinking quickly. People didn’t want to pay such outrageous amounts just to attend a wedding. But here’s the kicker: all that money couldn’t buy them happiness. They didn’t even make it to their first anniversary.
Turns out, you can’t build a lasting marriage on a foundation of expensive tulle and empty wallets. Who could’ve known?
5. No Pics, Please! How My MIL Tried to Censor Our Wedding for Family Privacy
My mother-in-law, Daisy, has always been a bit, well, controlling. But when it came to our wedding, she took it to a whole new level.
Picture this: I’m at my final dress fitting, getting all excited for my big day, when she drops this bombshell: “Don’t post any pictures on social media. I don’t want my family to see.”
I was stunned. Wait, what? We had already scaled down our wedding to a simple woodsy elopement, with plans for a larger church celebration later. But now she wanted to censor our memories?
I took a deep breath, trying to keep my cool. Then I said, “Daisy, darling, this is our day. Those pictures are going up faster than you can say ‘I object.’”
Thankfully, my fiancé backed me up. Daisy finally came to her senses, and everything was fine. The wedding went off without a hitch, and of course, those pictures hit Facebook before the cake was even cut.
6. Bad Hair Day Turns into a Soap Opera Slapfest at My Sister’s Wedding
Let me tell you about my half-sister Linda. She always had a thing for controlling hair. For her wedding, she demanded all her bridesmaids have identical hairstyles. Never mind that we had all sorts of hair types and lengths. Oh, and did I mention that the salon appointment was at the crack of dawn, at some ritzy place way across town?
My mom, who’s always been a practical woman, booked me at a nearby, budget-friendly salon instead. That’s when the drama started.
At the rehearsal dinner, Linda and Mom went at it like two cats fighting in a sack. Suddenly, I was kicked out of the bridal party faster than you could say “bad perm.”
But wait, there’s more.
Linda’s mom tried to kick my mom and me out of the dinner. When Mom stood her ground, SLAP—yes, Linda’s mom went full soap opera and slapped my mother across the face.
Needless to say, Dad and my brother bailed on the big day, and so did most of our side of the family. All this over some up-dos. Talk about a bad hair day!
7. Destination Wedding Disaster: When the Hotel Bill Costs More Than the Wedding Itself
Hold onto your seats, because Roger and I were in for a wild ride to Wedding Wonderland. Our friends, who were supposed to be planning their dream wedding, couldn’t seem to get anything together. But, oh boy, did they have a lot of demands.
First, they wanted a tropical destination wedding. “We don’t want to exclude anyone,” they said, thinking of an exotic place far, far away. “Oops, military duty calls!” they added, right before they decided to change the whole plan.
Now, the wedding was going to be in a city interstate—but don’t worry, it would still cost us an arm and a leg.
The real fun started when they insisted that everyone stay at the same hotel. Now, with 100 guests and only 10 rooms, the math wasn’t adding up. The nightly rate was so high, it would make a rockstar blush.
Roger and I were about ready to elope ourselves, just to escape the circus they were calling a wedding. At this point, I was thinking we might end up living on ramen noodles for a year just to afford their “special day.”
We could only hope their next bright idea didn’t involve us selling a kidney to make it happen!
8. Ahoy, Guests! Please Help Us Buy Our Dream Boat Instead of Toasting the Bride & Groom
Let me tell you about my buddy’s cousin, Jeremy, and his brand-new wife. These two were the definition of “dreamers.” Their dream? To cruise the high seas in style.
Naturally, they decided to use their wedding as the perfect opportunity to fund their nautical dreams. Forget about the usual wedding gifts like toasters or towels. These two wanted cold, hard cash—and not for some honeymoon getaway, but to buy a brand-new Mastercraft boat.
Yep, you heard that right. Not a tiny dinghy or a small motorboat. Oh no, they had their eyes set on a luxury boat. Because, clearly, nothing says “till death do us part” like asking your guests to fund your lavish watercraft instead of just enjoying a few slices of cake.
I heard the S.S. Entitlement is looking lovely this year, by the way!
9. $1,000 Entry Fee to Goldilocks’ Wedding… Because Love Ain’t Cheap!
Imagine my surprise when I opened an invitation to a wedding, only to find it had a price tag attached. Yes, you read that right. A price tag.
My acquaintance, let’s call her Goldilocks, had a very specific vision for her wedding day. By “vision,” I mean she had set a minimum cash gift amount of $1,000 per guest. She even said, “Anything less wouldn’t make a difference.”
But that wasn’t all! She also instructed that we label our gifts and our envelopes with our names, just in case there was any confusion about who was contributing what. God forbid she thank the wrong person for footing the bill for her extravagant wedding!
I’m still trying to decide which is more shocking: her audacity or her math skills. At this point, I’m just considering sending her a “thank you” card for teaching me the true meaning of a gold digger.
10. Welcome to the Wedding with Admission Fees — Get Ready to Pay for Every Slice of Cake
Hold on tight because this one takes the wedding cake… literally.
Imagine getting a save-the-date that looks less like an invitation and more like an itemized bill. That’s right. These two lovebirds decided to charge admission to their wedding. Yes, admission—like you’re entering a concert or a theme park.
As if flying out to Nowheresville for their “destination wedding” wasn’t expensive enough, we were now expected to pay for every single thing. From the food to the drinks, and yes, even every slice of cake. Talk about a money grab.
And the best part? Turns out the father of the bride was the mastermind behind this wedding scheme. He was running the show like a business, and not surprisingly, the wedding ended up being a disaster. Shocking, right?
Rumor has it they’re planning a vow renewal soon. And, in case you’re wondering, I’ll be busy washing my hair for the next decade.
What do you think of these wedding shenanigans? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below!
