The Most Memorable Divorce Letter Ever
Dear Wife,
I’m writing this letter to let you know that I’m leaving you for good. For the past seven years, I’ve tried to be a good husband, but honestly, I feel like I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been nothing short of miserable. Just today, your boss called to tell me that you quit your job, and that was the last straw for me.
Last week, you came home, and I was so excited to show you my new haircut. I even made your favorite meal and put on a brand new pair of silk boxers. But you barely looked at me! You scarfed down dinner in just two minutes and then went straight to sleep after watching your soap operas.
It’s like I don’t even exist anymore. You never tell me you love me, and it feels like you don’t want anything to do with me as your husband anymore. Either you’re cheating on me, or you just don’t love me anymore. Whatever the reason, I’ve had enough. I’m out of here.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don’t try to find me. Your sister and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband,
I can’t even begin to tell you how much your letter made my day! Yes, we’ve been married for seven years, but calling yourself a “good man” is a stretch. Honestly, I watch my soap operas so much because they help drown out your endless whining and complaining. Too bad that doesn’t always work!
I did notice your new haircut last week, but the first thing that came to my mind was, “You look just like a girl!” Since my mother taught me to keep my mouth shut if I couldn’t say anything nice, I decided not to say a word.
And about that dinner you made—well, you must have confused me with MY SISTER because I stopped eating pork seven years ago!
Now, about those new silk boxers: I couldn’t help but notice the $49.99 price tag still hanging on them! I just hoped it was a coincidence that my sister had borrowed $50 from me that same morning. Honestly, after all of this, I still loved you and thought we could work things out.
Then, something amazing happened. I hit the lottery for 10 million dollars! I was so excited that I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home, you were already gone.
I guess everything happens for a reason, right? I truly hope you find the fulfilling life you’ve always wanted. By the way, my lawyer told me that your letter guarantees you won’t get a dime from me. So, take care!
What do you think of this wild story? It’s a rollercoaster of emotions, isn’t it? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
