I couldn’t believe my eyes when my husband, Jake, handed me a schedule titled “Lisa’s Weekly Routine for Becoming a Better Wife.” My jaw nearly hit the floor. Was this some kind of joke? But instead of blowing up, I decided to play along. Little did Jake know, I was about to teach him a lesson he’d never forget.
Let me back up a bit. Jake and I had been married for five years, and for the most part, things were good. I was the calm, level-headed one in the relationship, while Jake had a habit of jumping into new ideas without thinking them through.
Whether it was a new workout routine, a DIY project, or some life hack he saw on YouTube, he’d get obsessed for a week or two before moving on to the next thing. It was endearing, really. Until it wasn’t.
The trouble started when Jake met Steve at work. Steve was one of those guys who thought he knew everything about everything, even though he’d never been in a serious relationship. He was loud, opinionated, and always had something to say—especially about marriage. Jake, for some reason, thought Steve was a genius.
“Steve says relationships work best when the wife takes charge of the household,” Jake told me one evening, as if he’d just discovered the secret to eternal happiness.
I rolled my eyes. “Oh, really? And what does Steve know about running a household? Does he even own a vacuum cleaner?”
Jake ignored my sarcasm. “He also thinks it’s important for women to look good for their husbands, no matter how long they’ve been married.”
That one stung. I shot him a look. “Are you saying I don’t look good?”
“No, no!” Jake backtracked quickly. “I just mean… you know, it’s about effort.”
I let it slide, but the comments kept coming. Jake started sighing when I ordered takeout instead of cooking dinner. He’d raise an eyebrow if I left the laundry in the basket for a day or two. It was like he’d suddenly decided I wasn’t doing enough, even though I was working full-time just like him.
Then, one night, he dropped the bomb. He sat me down at the kitchen table with a serious look on his face and slid a piece of paper across to me.
“I’ve been thinking,” he began, his tone way too serious for my liking. “You’re a great wife, Lisa. But there’s room for improvement.”
I stared at him, my eyebrows shooting up. “Excuse me?”
He nodded, completely missing the warning signs. “Yeah. Steve helped me realize that our marriage could be even better if you, you know, stepped up a bit.”
I looked down at the paper. It was a schedule—a detailed, color-coded schedule—with my name on it. “Lisa’s Weekly Routine for Becoming a Better Wife.” My eyes scanned the list, and I couldn’t believe what I was reading.
According to Jake (and Steve), I was supposed to wake up at 5 a.m. every day to make Jake a gourmet breakfast. Then, I’d hit the gym for an hour to “stay in shape.”
After that, I’d clean the house, do the laundry, iron Jake’s clothes, and prep dinner—all before heading to work. Oh, and in the evenings, I was expected to cook a meal from scratch and whip up fancy snacks for Jake and his friends when they came over to hang out.
I looked up at Jake, my mouth hanging open. “Are you serious right now?”
He nodded, completely oblivious. “This will be great for you, and for us. Steve says it’s important to maintain structure, and I think you could benefit from—”
“I could benefit from what?” I interrupted, my voice dangerously calm.
Jake blinked, caught off guard. “Well, you know, from having some guidance and a schedule.”
I wanted to scream. I wanted to throw the paper in his face and ask him if he’d lost his mind. But instead, I did something that surprised even me: I smiled. “You’re right, Jake,” I said sweetly. “I’m so lucky that you made me this schedule. I’ll start tomorrow.”
The relief on his face was instant. He had no idea what was coming.
The next day, I sat down with my laptop and got to work. If Jake thought he could hand me a list of “improvements,” then he was about to find out just how much structure our life could really handle.
I opened a new document and titled it, “Jake’s Plan for Becoming the Best Husband Ever.” If he wanted a perfect wife, fine. But there was a cost to perfection.
First, I listed all the things he’d suggested for me. A gym membership? Sure. But not just any gym—a high-end one with a personal trainer. “$1,200 for a personal trainer,” I typed, barely containing my laughter.
Next, the food. If Jake wanted gourmet meals, he’d have to pay for it. Organic, non-GMO, free-range everything? That stuff didn’t come cheap. “$700 per month for groceries,” I wrote. And since I wasn’t a professional chef, he’d need to chip in for cooking classes too. “$500 for a six-week cooking course.”
But that was just the beginning. If I was going to follow this insane schedule, I wouldn’t have time for my job. So, I added my salary to the list. “$75,000 per year to replace Lisa’s income since she will now be your full-time personal assistant, maid, and chef.”
And let’s not forget about Jake’s friends. If they were going to come over all the time, we’d need a dedicated space for them. “$50,000 to build a separate ‘man cave’ so Jake and his friends don’t disrupt Lisa’s schedule.”
By the time I was done, the list was a masterpiece. A financial and logistical nightmare, sure, but a masterpiece nonetheless. I printed it out, set it neatly on the kitchen counter, and waited for Jake to come home.
When Jake walked through the door that evening, he was in a good mood. “Hey, babe,” he called out, dropping his keys on the counter. He spotted the paper almost immediately. “What’s this?”
I kept my face neutral. “Oh, it’s just a little list I put together for you,” I said sweetly. “To help you become the best husband ever.”
Jake chuckled, thinking I was playing along. But as he scanned the first few lines, his grin faded. His eyes widened as he saw the numbers. “Wait… what is all this? $1,200 for a personal trainer? $700 a month for groceries? What the hell, Lisa?”
I leaned against the kitchen island, crossing my arms. “Well, you want me to wake up at 5 a.m., hit the gym, make gourmet breakfasts, clean the house, cook dinner, and host your friends. I figured we should budget for all of that, don’t you think?”
His face turned pale as he flipped through the pages. “$75,000 a year? You’re quitting your job?!”
I shrugged. “How else am I supposed to follow your plan? I can’t work and be the perfect wife, right?”
Jake stared at the paper, dumbfounded. The numbers, the absurdity of his own demands—it all hit him at once. His smugness evaporated, replaced by a dawning realization that he had seriously messed up.
“I… I didn’t mean…” Jake stammered, looking at me with wide eyes. “Lisa, I didn’t mean for it to be like this. I just thought—”
“You thought what? That I could ‘improve’ myself like some project?” My voice was calm, but the hurt behind it was real. “Jake, marriage isn’t about lists or routines. It’s about respect. And if you ever try to ‘fix’ me like this again, you’ll be paying a hell of a lot more than what’s on that paper.”
Silence hung in the air, thick and uncomfortable. Jake’s face softened, his shoulders slumping as he let out a deep sigh.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t realize how ridiculous it was. Steve made it sound sensible, but now I see it’s… it’s toxic. Oh God, I’ve been such a fool.”
I nodded, watching him carefully. “Yes, you have. Honestly, have you looked at Steve’s life? What makes you think he has the life experience to give you advice about marriage? Or anything else?”
The look on his face as my words hit home was priceless. “You’re right. And he could never afford to live like this.” He slapped the list with the back of his hand. “He… he has no idea about the costs involved, or how demeaning this is. Oh, Lisa, I got carried away again, didn’t I?”
“Yes, but we’ll recover. Now, let’s tear that paper up and go back to being equals.”
He smiled weakly, the tension breaking just a little. “Yeah… let’s do that.”
We ripped up the list together, and for the first time in weeks, I felt like we were back on the same team. Maybe this was what we needed—a reminder that marriage isn’t about one person being “better” than the other. It’s about being better together.
What do you think of this version? Does it make the story more exciting and engaging while keeping all the important details? Let me know your thoughts!
