Ever been trapped on a flight with annoying seatmates? Well, let me tell you about the newlyweds who turned my 14-hour flight into a nightmare. They treated the plane like it was their private honeymoon suite, and when things got too much, I decided to teach them a lesson they’d never forget.
I’m Toby, 35 years old, and after this, you might think twice about booking a long flight. Picture this: I was flying home after a long business trip, just counting down the minutes until I could finally hug my wife and kid. Everything was going perfectly… until they boarded.
I had treated myself to a premium economy seat. On a flight that long, a little extra space makes a huge difference. I was feeling good about my choice as I got settled, but then the guy next to me, Dave, leaned over to introduce himself.
“Hey, I’m Dave,” he said. “Would you mind switching seats with my wife? We just got married, and, you know…”
I smiled and asked, “Congrats! Where’s your wife sitting?”
Dave pointed to the back of the plane. “She’s in economy.”
I get it—newlyweds want to sit together. But I had paid a lot for this seat, and I wasn’t about to give it up for free.
“Sorry, Dave,” I replied. “I paid extra for this seat, so I’d only be willing to switch if you cover the cost difference—about a thousand Australian dollars.”
Dave’s face changed. “A thousand bucks? You’ve got to be kidding.”
I shrugged, putting my earbuds in. “That’s the deal.”
As I leaned back, I heard him mutter under his breath, “You’ll regret this.” And boy, was he right.
First, there was the coughing—loud, deep coughs that made me feel like I needed a hazmat suit. “You alright there, Dave?” I asked.
“Never better,” he said, before coughing even harder.
Then, he pulled out his tablet and started watching an action movie—without headphones! The couple sitting across the aisle gave him an annoyed look.
“Hey, buddy, can you turn that down?” they asked.
But Dave just smirked. “Forgot my headphones. I guess we’ll all have to enjoy it together.”
I clenched my teeth. “Dave, seriously, turn it down.”
“Oh, am I bothering you?” he replied, dripping with sarcasm.
Then came the pretzels. Somehow, Dave managed to scatter crumbs everywhere—mostly on me. “Oops,” he said, flashing a smug grin. “Butterfingers.”
I was about ready to lose it when Dave’s wife, Lia, showed up. She was giggling as she walked down the aisle. Without asking, she plopped herself right on Dave’s lap, and the two of them started whispering and giggling like they were in their own little world.
I tried to focus on my book, but the constant noise and… well, other sounds, made it impossible to concentrate. After an hour of this, I couldn’t take it anymore.
“That’s it,” I muttered, waving down a flight attendant. If Dave and Lia were going to ruin this flight, I was going to return the favor.
The flight attendant came over, and as soon as she did, Dave and Lia put on their best “newlywed act,” smiling sweetly like they hadn’t done anything wrong.
“Is there a problem, sir?” she asked.
“Problem? Oh, where do I even begin?” I said loudly, making sure the other passengers could hear. “These two have turned the flight into their personal honeymoon suite.”
The flight attendant raised an eyebrow and looked at Lia, who was still sitting on Dave’s lap. “It’s against airline policy for an adult to sit on someone’s lap,” she said firmly. “Ma’am, you need to return to your seat.”
Lia tried to look innocent. “But we’re newlyweds! It’s our special day!”
I couldn’t help myself. “Yeah, it’s been their ‘special day’ for more than an hour now.”
The flight attendant straightened up. “Ma’am, please return to your seat. And sir,” she turned to Dave, “you didn’t pay for this upgraded seat. If you can’t follow the rules, I’ll have to move both of you back to economy.”
Dave’s face went pale. “Both of us?”
“That’s right,” the flight attendant said, standing her ground. “You were upgraded as a courtesy, but you’ve abused that privilege. Now, please gather your things.”
As Dave and Lia packed up their stuff, I could hear them whispering angrily to each other.
“This is your fault,” Lia hissed.
“My fault?” Dave muttered back. “You’re the one who—”
“Enough,” the flight attendant interrupted. “Back to your seats, please.”
As they walked past me, their faces red with embarrassment, I couldn’t help myself. “Enjoy your honeymoon,” I said, waving at them mockingly.
Dave shot me a death glare, but I didn’t care—I was way too satisfied.
The flight attendant smiled at me as she walked by. “Anything else you need, sir?”
I grinned. “Just some peace and quiet—and maybe a drink?”
A little while later, she came back with a whiskey and cola, on the house. “Thanks for your patience,” she said with a wink.
An older man across the aisle gave me a thumbs-up. “Well played, son,” he chuckled. “Reminds me of my first marriage. We were young and dumb too—but at least we knew how to behave in public.”
I laughed, finally able to relax.
As the plane began its descent, the captain made an announcement: “We’re approaching Los Angeles International Airport. Please fasten your seatbelts.”
I packed up my things, ready to get off this flight. As I passed Dave and Lia in the back, I couldn’t resist one last remark. “Hope you two learned something. Enjoy the rest of your honeymoon.”
Dave turned bright red but wisely kept his mouth shut.
I walked off the plane feeling like I’d won. And when I saw my wife and kid waiting for me at the terminal, their faces lighting up as I walked toward them, all thoughts of Dave and Lia disappeared. I was home, and that’s all that mattered.
